Existential Crisis

My liitle boy starts school next year. I can't believe it. Only seems like yesterday I was driving home on Ruby's first day at school and thinking "Thankgod I've got a baby waiting at home". Now he's ready to spread his wings too. Of course ever the optimist I fear an existential crisis looming the minute I wave goodbye at the Kindergarten door and head home to an empty house. Even Col has warned I should have something in place - be it job or study or medication....

I ponder my options almost continually as my state of mind swings from happy to stay at home doing nothing (a fabulous new euphinism to describe a day in the service of a household's physical, mental, social and administrative needs) or get some paid work and much needed validation from the outside world or studyVisual Design part time - and fulfil a goal I've had all my life. One day I am telling Col I want him to do a CV for me and vowing to make appointments at an employment agency. The next I am down with an onslaught of infections and thankful we know how to manage as a family on one income, reconciling myself to a life much like the one I've got but with perhaps a little extra time to blog and surf the net. Then I am checking admissions dead lines for Visual design courses and cursing that I still have no assemblage (whatever that is) - or any portfolio at all for that matter. Whatever next year entails I hope I'm doing whatever I'm doing by choice and not because the rest was no longer viable.